ESL Students say the Darndest Things

As difficult as it was getting used to teaching non-Japanese students, it certainly has added to class discussion.

Most of what I taught in Japan was conversational English. This doesn't mean conversation expressions ("How are you?", "I am fine.", etc.); it means that our lessons were taught in the manner that we were supposed to base the lessons around casual chatting.

"So, Seiko, what are your hobbies?"
"My hobby is sleeping."
"Do you like to do anything else?"
BLANK STARE (they don't understand the word 'else')
"Do you like to do another thing?"
"No, I am so tired always."
"Well, have you ever slept anywhere exciting?"
"No, only on my futon."
"Did you know that in Canada we think that futons are funny?"
BLANK STARE
"Have you ever been to Hawaii?"
"Yes. Four times."
"Do you sleep in a futon in Hawaii?"
"No, I sleep in hotel bed."
"Well... that's exciting! I hate my job!"

Anyway, you can imagine how interesting it is to try to make conversation in a nation full of people whose poor English skills are surpassed only by their inability to speak English. But to be fair to the people of Japan, some of them would surprise you with shocking stories (especially the elderly) and some were such a delight to teach that it didn't matter that they had nothing to talk about except "going to shopping" and that they like cats because they are "cuto".

Coming back to Canada, on the other hand, I have encountered many exciting class discussions. The Saudi Arabians, wow! They have something interesting to say no matter how boring the course material! For example, one day, the lesson was on animals.

Does anyone own a dog?
No one responds.

Did any of you own a dog in your home country?
Saudi Arabian : "Yes, I owned fifteen."

Wow! You must love dogs!
"No, they were not for being friends with. They were only for fighting."

Do you mean they were guard dogs?
"No."

So who did they fight, then?
"Other people's dogs!"

The conversation soon turned to pigs. The same Saudi Arabian guy got a disgusted look on his face. He pointed at the board where I had drawn a picture of a pig. "Teacher, do you eat that?"

"Yes, I like to eat bacon."

The disgust on his face continued to grow. "That is a dirty animal."

"Yes, but it's delicious!" I replied.

He had some insder information for me. "You know what those things eat?"

I didn't want to know, so I just smiled and nodded.

"They are dirty and disgusting and someone from my country would never eat that animal," he conculded.

"I think they are delicious too!" piped in a Taiwanese girl, causing an awkward silence. I don't really feel right arguing over trivial cultural differences with my students (during class time at least), so thank you, Republic of China.

By the end of the day, the conversation finally got to horses. And there was no shortage of horse stories. My favorite one:

"One day, I went riding on my horse and when I got home, there were five people with wooden bats. They were beating my family's other horses. I said 'Don't move!' And then I made my horse kick one of them. Then they left."